its_jus_kris10

Ok i havent seen this person in a couple months. I miss him to death. I meant him here in Florida nd hes honestly the most chilled laid back wholesome person ive ever meant. Aka hes amazen. I guess i jus messed up. But i had this dream. he was in it nd what happen was i walked into this apartment nd in the room was him nd oher kids. I walked in wit a guy friend tho. So i turned to mi friend nd was like i cant be here i cant do this. Then :crush: said come here nd lay wit me so i layed mi head on his chest nd we sat there nd talked. Nd he gave me a light kiss nd was like im sorry blah blah blah.. pretty much i woke up so sad but happy that i seen him in mi dream, it felt that real to me. I really miss u. Come over nd eat pizza rolls wit me, please?

thats all i have to say. Peace

i write in this thing like its mi job. no body cares.. oh well.. here goes anyways..

This time next week ill be in Jersey.. i thought for sure it would never come. im still not excited matter of fact i cry jus thinking bout goin there. I dont wanna go at all.. i feel like im in the same shit whole that ive been in when i left.. no job = no loot nd yea i dont wanna go. Im gone to go there jus to feel a sense of Jealousy nd some what regret for leavin but knew i had to.

The jealous that all comes hand in hand with wanting to be wit mi best friend. But wanting more than she'll ever kno. I think shes meant her soulmate nd i dont think i could deal wit the 3 some thing. Yea it would be funny in that since tho. Im jus gone to be 3rd wheel nd that shit sucks. but i guess there are some other people i wanna see. Me nd Jim made it clear to e.o that we dont wanna see e.o. Oh well shit happens. I can honestly say i dont care. Hes moved on to some hoe so let them be. I wont interupt this time.Theres some one else im very excited to see.. buuuuuttt its a secret. If the cat got outta the bag wed be in some trouble. Beads.. omg i cant wait to give u a big hug.. Jack, tittie bar holllllaaa! haha i love mi friends. thats the only thing i miss. Spending time wit mi dad awe i am like to excited to see "altuna" lol.

Omg so the other day some one told me i needed Jenny craig nd to lose mi fat stomache nd that i was a fat bitch. he made it clear that it wasnt a joke. He really hurt mi feelings.. so i cracked down on the gym. I gone everyday so far this week for like 2 hours... nd omg i went by mi self everytime. its weird not having mi sister wit me. but i find easier to get everything i want done. but im done peaaaccceee!

today: OMG i woke up early nd im still up.. this could be a breakthrough..

Still no fone. im fuccin dying wit out but im headed that tonite.. joeys goin wit me.. so its gone to be a fun drive.. yayyy for us!

Oh yesssir i went to the gym today so im feelin sexi as ever. i went to hair choppery to go pick up mi things nd mi mom gave me her credit card. Psssht! i dunno she said go get what ev u want. Shame it wasnt clothing or shoes or sum shit. hmmm what else went down. Oh yea mi mom is bein acceptionably(if thats even a word.. hmmm?) nice. She is takin me to get a hair cut this weekend.. i jus hope i dont decide to cut it all off. Nd bein a hair dresser mi self i always cut mi own front so im tryin to avoid the shears ya kno?!

hmm what else is goin onnnnn.. nuttin to much really tho. bout 8 more dais to go nd im in Jersey!!! holllllaaa.. OH MY FUCKIN GOODDDD this is what else went down today. i jus found out that shar nd mi dad mite jus get married... ohhh noooO! im gone to have an ugly stepsister... NOOOOOO shes gone to ruin the Tuttle's they aint cute. Nd alll Tuttles are cute.. this seriously cant be happening. BTW this is a secret. If ur fam... PPLLLLLEEEAAASEEE dont say nuttin. im not suppose to kno. Another thing.. me nd mi sister.. nope still havent talked nd shes still with the fuccin CREEP! ughh.. im out. peaccce

Today has to be the worst day of my life. In all seriousness I wish I was able to just disappear on my own for awhile. Not to Jersey because it sucks there but some where where no one at all would be able to locate me.

I was seriously confronted with some like Jerry Springer b.s today. When I say this I mean like I feel like white trash. My sister and I "were" completely inseperable until today. Her boyfriend tried to get her as angry as he was so he said he "fucced me". Are u serious? If so plz let me know when because i dont remember. Well were Im getting to is that she didnt belive me and still doesnt. Is that some b.s or what. Now every one i talked i just feel like doesnt beleive me. If she doesnt then who does. Shes blood. I feel so much like I dont have any one. The friend ships that I had for over 15 years I feel like just went down the drain to. This is seriously tearing me apart. I have no clue what to do. This life just seems so empty.

I cant seriously even stand bein around my own self. I feel so much pity. But I cant say im angry im jus hurt. All i have to do.. is cry. The other day i was talkin to Jaime(my sisters b.f) and he told me that about a week ago Heather did ask him if hes ever had sex with me. What is that b.s seriosuly your my sister, why would u ever ask that. I told her yeah, i lied bout some serious bullshit but nothing compared to this. You have got to be kidding me. It hurts to bad.

I dont kno what to do anymore. Im confused about life. Where do i wanna be now? Why cant I leave right now. But then whats the sense of going to Jersey, if my sister doesnt care what makes you think your "best friends" do? They say bloods thicker than water but how come my friends wouldnt EVER ask "u ever have sex wit Kristen before" OMG. Im just so lost. The only thing thats never turned on me, Deffinetly has to be my woobie(cherry blankie/sheet.. lol. It goes everywheres with me and its so disgusting looking. It got me through my surgerie, heartbreaks, sick times and now hopefully this. It never fails me. Oh and that with my thumb(perfect cocktail).

On a lighter note, I finally got the courage to get peirced yesterday. They look so cuteee! Oh and I left my phone at Justins house soooo that another reason Im so lost. That is like my best friend. It listens to EVERYTHING i have to say. And one more impotant thing, im kinda happy that I talked to an old friend yesterday. Hes a cutie<3. I miss Jersey sometimes. But not enough to move back.

Awwe Billy is on the phone wit me. He seriously scares me to death. (He gets it in the ass from Franky) haha i love him. I seriously wish he would stop takin drugs. I really wish he would go back to his old self. i wish we could back to them dais when we were younger nd we played jail break or jus cuddled for hours nd talked bout nuttin but nonsense. ill never forget the times he used to climb up to mi 2nd floor window nd i would let him in. If ya ever saw Love Nd Basketball.. that was us. but our real movie is Brown Sugar. When it comes down to it i think bout the dai i get married.. is it goin to be him or am i gone to marry some one im seriously not in love wit. Nd when i think of that i picture his face in the crowd. I dont want it to be like that. I love him more than i could love any other man. But on a lighter note. He finally started calling me again. If i was to date some one nd they werent ok wit how me nd bill act towards eachother i would have to let that guy go. Like if were datin nd u hear me tell a guy i love u its Billy dont worry. haha Love u Billy!

What i also find funny how i call him Billy nd still refer to Katie as Katie. I guess its jus because i grew up wit them nd it jus stuck. Its amazin the love i have for these to kids. (Muahzz!)

But Im bored nd updatin for no apparent reason bc no one reads this shit. So Katie i have a new cuddle buddy. Hes by far amazin. haha but i love cuddlin wit u more. U ever notice how when u like some one u notice ur music changes . But when ur not datin some one ull listenin to shit about fuckin hoes nd beating to this one bitch blah blah blah ya kno. So kno i listen to cute songs or when i really like some one i tend to listen to punkish type songs.. hmm.. im so weird i kno.but tomorrois goin to be a great dai. I end the spell of the fat week aKa Im def goin to the gym tomorrow nd YESSSS im goin tanning. I cant date someone nd go tannin in the sun bc then ya look gross because ya get a nice tan all over nd then these milk white boobs. YUCK! haha ok im really weird now. Byez Love ya.

so today is mothers day and we all had a great time but in the beginning mi sister came with out Jamie(her b.f) right there from that moment we new it was not goin to be to good. he then came like an hour later. we ate dinner, sat for hours bullshitting, laughing at old times nd everything seemed all good. so then mi sister nd jamie left. they didnt even get down the walkway until u hear mi sister yell at jamie. Ok we jus tried to ignore it. mi mom goes upstairs nd goes to bed nd then her fone rings nd i answered it because it said heather calling. but it was jamie crying bc he jus let mi sister beat the shit out of him. whys he do that. why wont he leave her. mi sister is seriosly insane. i love her to death but she is a burning stick of dynamite jus waiting to be exploded. i really hate it. u cant ever say what she doesnt wanna hear. but anyways so jamie tells us that shes left the house here she comes slamming thru our back yard banging on the glass door tellin mi mom she needs to go get her baby, this nd that. mi mom was like no u calm down stay here for the nite nd that jaimie is a good father nd hell take care of her well she started fighting wit mi mom then she put a hole in the door nd for the first time ever i saw Mike raise his voice nd call mi sister a lil bitch. yea, bet yall never thought mike got pissed bc i sure didnt think he had a mean bone in his body. nd he called the cops on her so now its just one hell of a mess. nd i get so sad for the people mi sister ruins their life. shes a total bitch gone outta control. i cant stand it. nd i jus feel horrible. so now im crying nd it makes me pissed bc i was like ok im not gone to get stressed out anymore over anything nd plus i have all the rite reasons to be happy. but im gone to take a whole hell of alot of nyquil so if she decides to come bacc here yellen ill be so assed out that i ont even here her.

Oh btw. haha jus a reminder i love mi life. People make it so amazing for me to enjoy it

Today is Sunday.. thank god. i wasnt able to take the partying anymore. i seriously been fucced up like for the past week nd a half. but i love it. yo i have to admit that i really dont give a fucc bout what anyone thinks of me anymore. I let loose nd i dont hold nuttin bacc. Mi life has been nuttin but crazi nd i loveee it. Maybe i been a lil to wild lately but shit happens. well jersey here i come in like hmmm month nd a half. yess! i miss mi dad so much. Nd there are some people i miss but i dont kno anymore.. haha mi mom is sitten here bitchen at me rite now.. loves it. shes bitchen bout last time she went on vaca nd i had a party. yo if they leave imma be a good girl bc i dont wanna hear her fuccin bitch. its soo anoying bc she jus doesnt kno when to quit. god damn! but im out she jus pissed me off. nd mi dadddy is callin. yaayyyy. u kno whats amazen bout mi dad he calls me nd i dont have to tell him to unlike sum people who talk a bunch of BULLSHIT!. ok let me stop im startin to think of all the lies ever thrown mi way.

Well, todai jus another hangover. ha not to bad tho. Last nite i went out wit mi sis nd this guy named Joe. We went up to pizza shop nd jus drank. haha i made 25 bucks. then round 1 sumt finally the hottest guy i ever talked to came up to the shop. nd OMFG his friend, ladies.. is seriosly to die for. so fuccin sexii hahah nd i kept telling him "i belive in u, go to college kristen believes, Heath tell him i beleive in him" haha i dun fuccin kno. i was so wasted. we went bacc to mi sis's nd drank some more. These kids DONT DRINK!!! who stays sober nowadays.. NOBODY! we stopped at moms house nd i stole the baby. it was so funny it was like mission impossible. but when ya drunk ya always get caught bc u think ur creepin but really ur makin more noise then u would sober. Oh nd i stole a BLOCK OF CHEESE.. whhhaaatt. ha that was weird cravings. At mi sisters we watched sum gangsta movie i dun rmember any of it bc me nd mi sister were gettin yelled at to be quiet. but long story short i woke up nd had a baby blanket on me drool down mi face nd i was so confused bc i dont rmember them leaving. damnnn! haha i love mi crazi nites.

Nd jersey i have a confession. i dont really miss u. Like ehh its whatever Florida is such a blast. nd everyone(in G-ctiy) does drugs nd sniffs shit nd that not me. I wanna live long, stay sexi nd have a good life. Gloucester is so dissapointing. But i do love mi friends that i left behind at least some of em. but im done b.s'ing late <33'z yaa.

So rite now i am sittin here chillin bein all bored. I made this dum journal for like no reason. Ill prolly never update it unless im like really bored. But FYI mi friends are amazen I love em. Here nd there!

Tonite i wanna go get wasted but i let mi self go. I tottaly noticed a drastic change in me. I came out in the open wit EVERYTHING. I became sum 1 im not. I like broke outta mi shell, i tell it like it is, nd i have way to much confidence for mi own good. I dont care bout anyones feelings specially like the ones who walk all over me. I used to be nice to them people but now im so easy to cut u.

Umm i drink everyday nd i dont wanna work. But if i could work it would be something to do in the nite time bc i love the nite life. I used to be the one in a relationship but now i cant stand people who are in em. Ur to young to be tied down wit one person. Im not sayin go out nd be a slut but have a good time. When i was in a relationship it succed i had to be like OK im not goin out nd be a good girl. Now i can do whatever the hell i want when i want. but i aint gonna lie i miss the affection of some one else. I wanna wake up next to some one i love nd be like feelin all special. But guys in Fl, na there all assholes. No offense to the good ones.

I think this is y i became a bitch bc guys make me. They totally build mi confidence but then bring me down as fast as they brought me up. I guess thats y i need to stay on top of mi game. Oh well.. im out.